Ramit Sethi

RamitSethi: she is a friendly yet weird person
vasb2: this is where you elaborate

vasb2: but like everything in my life my ability is thought to be much much much more than it is

Bridgierun2: i come home from work and she is wearing my clotehes and trying to act like me
Bridgierun2: she looks in the mirror and says i am bridget i am beautiful
Bridgierun2: and i am like rachle what are you doing
Bridgierun2: and she quickly says nothing just go away
Bridgierun2: it is very scary

BeanieSL: Ramit, you must be an old man
Auto response from RamitSethi: nap
BeanieSL: a very old man

vasb2: there's this guy named chang who lives on my floor
RamitSethi: ching chong
vasb2: that is correct

RamitSethi: then she persisted and i just flat out changed the subject, it was such an inelegant maneuver
vasb2: its still better than the other option of you hitting her over the head and running away

vik151: i said oh youll meet my friend ramit then, hes a homo but hes taking punjabi

vasb2: people, not you, think that because it is slow moving that it is an "intelligent ghost story"
RamitSethi: are you implying i am intelligent
vasb2: off handedly, i may have accidently done that

Ziggidyzach: life=pain and misery

vik151: totally dude. monday night would be a new party night for me
vik151: and ramit will probably be down every fifth week

vik151: amazing like how
RamitSethi: hot
vik151: oh ok i thought you meant personality-wise, i was almost disgusted

VLoveu2: what math you taking?
RamitSethi: none, hopefully ever
VLoveu2: building 370?
RamitSethi: what in the hell are you talking about
VLoveu2: where is it?
RamitSethi: WHAT!?
VLoveu2: 470?
VLoveu2: 370 i mean
RamitSethi: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
VLoveu2: where is building 370

AdrianAlmazan22: oh yeah well, dude, i was like, not even in to that then, cause, like, we were in europe and like, i didn't feel like spittin game then

Ziggidyzach: boredom
RamitSethi: death
Ziggidyzach: you win

vik151: i need to feel better about my miserable existence so i attack those things most precious to those people around me

Ziggidyzach: why can't there be any cool skins?
Ziggidyzach: seriously, look at this junk
RamitSethi: why do you not just commit suicide
Ziggidyzach: becasue then i wouldn't get to see the next japanimation skin done in dark boring colors
Ziggidyzach: everything's either japanimation or something that looks like it came from someone's nightmare of being trapped inside a twisted technological jungle

AdrianAlmazan22: i'm trying to double major in poli sci and econ
AdrianAlmazan22: we'll see though
AdrianAlmazan22: ok its not gonna happen

LAdancechick: you know i only do stuff with guys if they have something i want
RamitSethi: with me there is no question of that, baby
LAdancechick: actually, i think you might need a few supliments

ASUsIndianRani: nice school
RamitSethi: nice
ASUsIndianRani: okay , i think that pretty much sums up our monthly conversation

RamitSethi: are you talking about viagra
LAdancechick: no, more jewelry and diamonds

RamitSethi: i honestly cannot understand people and their thinking with their phones
vasb2: i know, every conversation "im walking to ..." or "im at ...."
vasb2: NOBODY CARES
vasb2: YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT
vasb2: IF YOU WERE RITUALISTICALLY KILLED NO ONE WOULD MOURN, SO TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE

adraken: guess what i've downloaded
RamitSethi: full-length porn, which one did you get?
adraken: star trek

vik151: yo how many fuckin asians are in our seminar.. sheesh, its gonna be like vietnam

SarahImmoos: Vijay was my boyfriend in highschool

adraken: if you could add the user l:user p:-(nothing)
adraken: GODDAMNIT
adraken: FUCKING AIM FACES
RamitSethi: HAHAHHAAHA
adraken: (cry)

vik151: its so sad that i have to compromise something im overwhelmingly interested in for something that makes me want to kill myself

PopeDoug3: fucking set up for the activities fair
PopeDoug3: AT EIGHT AM IN THE MORNING DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME THAT IS

katokop1: turn around

vasb2: life is so sad and meaningless

littleles782: why do you speak spanish
RamitSethi: i like mexicans
littleles782: you use them for their food

vasb2: i mean seriously, looking into the future i cannot under any circumstance ever see being happy again

raquel7282: i didn't know stanford was so superficial
raquel7282: well my uncles said all the girls there are ugly
raquel7282: and i bellieve what he says

vasb2: im considerate, i wont commit suicide until i get life insurance, at least them someone can benefit from this life

Z1vt: sometimes i am just too absorbed in my own misery

raquel7282: i don't speak mexican how should i know
raquel7282: all i know is they have good burritos

Ziggidyzach: oh so true
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Auto response from RamitSethi: seeing the face of failure=mirror

Ziggidyzach: i have a limited supply of motivation
Ziggidyzach: i am a conservationist

Z1vt: i really am happy for you
PopeDoug3: heh no you're not
vasb2: i hate you ramit

vik151: i gotta meet these elegant elephants in toyon

PopeDoug3: the hot ones are dumb though

vasb2: dead would not be bad enough
Z1vt: dead is rather, uhhh, drastic
vasb2: dead is good
vasb2: you get the relief of sleep

RamitSethi: is doug there
Ziggidyzach: no
Ziggidyzach: i don't think he's been in our room yet this year

ManeeshSethi: btw,, is doug in your room?
RamitSethi: yeah
ManeeshSethi: why do you talk to him by IM then?

RamitSethi: now i will stop talking to you
Ziggidyzach: so now you won't even talk to me?
Ziggidyzach: tear, tear, sob, tear
Ziggidyzach: BANG
RamitSethi: HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAH
Ziggidyzach: ominous silence

SarahImmoos: I would describe you more as a stick
RamitSethi: a large, robust stick?
RamitSethi: almost like a thick trunk?
SarahImmoos: yes, well no

RamitSethi: i have an asian in my room right now
vasb2: is she there against her will, if so stop now i dont want to be an accomplice

SarahImmoos: my mom wants to talk to you again
SarahImmoos: she thinks you're so funny
SarahImmoos: I was like mom, he's half your age

davisflow: damn, i hate these infernal machines!!!!!!

etirebiter: i have already told my apartment mates that i am hitching a ride on ken kesey's acid bus to see what the american countryside really has to offer, and to revert my mind back to its primitive, innocent state, never to be hindered or bothered by useless thoughts or reasoning ever again

davisflow: im quite intimated by your enormous penis, im afraid you are going to mercilessly beat me with it!!!!

stanfordmouse: do you realize that the next time we see each other we'll be almost a year older?
[lives 3 doors down from me and recognizes my failure to ever rise from my chair]

vasb2: if i live for more than a few years (and by some fluke keep in touch with you) and ever forget how miserable i was and say something like "my college years were the best years of my life" you have permission to shoot me in the face

stanfordmouse: I am sooo almost there

vik151: its honestly sad how much cs has detrimentally affected what semblance of a life i once had

RamitSethi: however, what a bonding experience
adraken: the alarm clock said 5:54am just as my head hit the pillow
RamitSethi: it's what college is all about [cue oprah/uplifting music]
adraken: /me slices wrists

stanfordmouse: the whole class thinks i played the violin in high school and that i have a cat named macafee
stanfordmouse: all lies

vasb2: because either i deluded myself into believing i was happy or, even worse, the statement is true and my life has become an utter hell the likes of which very few can comprehend

stanfordmouse: oh, i love it when you call me woman
stanfordmouse: now tell me to go get you something to eat

vasb2: seriously, it is not you being good that leads to victory, it it the majority of other people being bad

VLoveu2: you going to be up for a while?
VLoveu2: I WILL BOOOO

PopeDoug3: I think you'd have to compete with some strange equation for her devotion

VLoveu2: never
VLoveu2: wait a minute
VLoveu2: come to think of it I've never seen you stand up or walk
VLoveu2: do you have legs?

vasb2: we never had a snes
RamitSethi: awww
RamitSethi: was it too beneath you?
vasb2: we couldnt afford it
vasb2: we played tic tac toe in the dirt
vasb2: while you aristocrats played with your fancy video games

LAdancechick: so you are gay!
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Auto response from RamitSethi: martha stewart time

vik151: congrats on the articulation procuration
RamitSethi: thanks man
vik151: hopefully it will lead to some procreation
vik151: how was the toyon camping vacation?
vik151: next to nathin
vik151: sounds fascinatin
vik151: taco bell was amazin
RamitSethi: i love that place
RamitSethi: please describe what you purchased there
vik151: have you noticed ive been rhyming this whole conversation?
vik151: i bought a chicken quesadilla combo meal from a guy who wasnt haitian

etirebiter: no, i was referring to how none of what he says registers, mostly because i'm an idiot
etirebiter: or because every fucker in there has been programming since they wore diapers

PopeDoug3: it's a shame none of this can go on the profile

etirebiter: why don't they grade on effort. "oh, you didn't know how to do it so you didn't do any of it? well, at least you put some thought into it, here's a B, how does that sound?"
etirebiter: but no, "here's an F, good luck panhandling you sorry son of a bitch"

stanfordmouse: i'm really awkward on riding things

RamitSethi: ALCOHOL = THE COMMON LINK
PopeDoug3: agreed
PopeDoug3: also = OUR ONLY HOPE EVER

etirebiter: tomorrow we will draw up our plans (hands meeting finger to finger) and all will bow down to us

Profiles from the FIRST week of school:

PopeDoug3: sleep until waking up FOR A 9 AM CLASS I AM SO DUMB

adraken: hunched over in the blue glow of endless streams of symbols and images

RamitSethi: with every hour of the 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night, i lost my dignity, it didn't take long

vik151: nothing is real

RamitSethi: calling a professor to ask to switch a class to not 9am = failure

adraken: eyes closed ... breathing slowly ... unconscious on some flat surface

Ziggidyzach: good night cruel world

JaTTiMoB: i dont think u really do work all that much

davisflow: i havent really decided but i think the easiest way would be just to ask girls in my classes if they would like to go do something, and somehow at the same time strongly insinuate that by going out i mean having lots of sex, and if they agree then im set

JaTTiMoB: ive never heard u even TALK about working

davisflow: yeah, thats all i have, i was hoping you would offer some suggestions
RamitSethi: "pardon me madam, would you care to engage in a light lunch with tea, followed by a precipitous decline in conversation due to my tongue in your throat, and finally me consummating our relationship with one final, powerful blast?"
davisflow: im gonna bring a notecard with that written on it and read it to them, haltingly, with absolutely no eye contact

Bridgierun2: so i guess i feel the same as i always do
around you like a complete failure

vasb2: it is a very sad day when an 18 year old looks back on his life and realizes his best days are behind him

etirebiter: char ericmidtermgrade = 'F';

Bridgierun2: no ramit really my fantasy is too have all sorts of girls hit on me

Bl4ckf00t: i have a heat stroke everytime i leave me room though

Bridgierun2: shit the better not happen to me tomorrow
Bridgierun2: or some one will die
Bridgierun2: well i am going to cry myself to sleep

RamitSethi: often (read: always) it ends up being them talking about themselves
Bl4ckf00t: yes, that's because they are more interesting than us

etirebiter: i could decode the binary and be equally aroused
etirebiter: "heh heh, he 01110011100010100111'd all over her 10011100100100100110

vik151 (6:07:46 AM): check the timestamp on this IM, realize it is just now that i got back from sweet hall. sweet hall? sweet jesus.

RamitSethi: ok now i must watch the picture box
RamitSethi: because The Practice is on
etirebiter: hahahaha, and i will allow you to gaze upon such a picture box, where the precision placement and timing of electrons presents the illusion of motion; i too have seen such a device

tweederSU: i know youre away right now but i just wanted to tell you that every day (and sometimes multiple times each day) i read your away messages just cuz i know they will make me crack up
-------------------------------------------------------
Auto response from RamitSethi: away

ManeeshSethi: while mom was driving
ManeeshSethi: she was telling me how songs were getting very bad
ManeeshSethi: so i flipped to 106.5
ManeeshSethi: adn the first line was
ManeeshSethi: "I like the way you smack my ass"
RamitSethi: HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
ManeeshSethi: and i got in trouble

Ziggidyzach: greetings earth man
Ziggidyzach: how are you this night?

iselitalinda: ah, more ghetto lingo i don't understand
RamitSethi: you will learn, baby
iselitalinda: what's funny is that i'm not sure if that statement is supposed to be encouraging or if it's like a command. like "oh you will learn, woman!" (as so many of your statements towards me are)

Ziggidyzach: do you have any food?
RamitSethi: nah
Ziggidyzach: this is a sad, sad situation
RamitSethi: explain?
Ziggidyzach: our communal lack of consumables

RamitSethi: ill talk to you about it later, oh my god we havent discussed depression this conversation
RamitSethi: what is happening to us
vasb2: hey, i saw natalie portman today
RamitSethi: WOAH
RamitSethi: GO ON
vasb2: i was in the library and she was using a computer
vasb2: not a very good story
RamitSethi: DO HER VIJAY
vasb2: you realize i didnt even say a word to her
vasb2: and that people who are rejected by regular girls dont move up to celebrities
RamitSethi: NO DEPRESSION
RamitSethi: NO DEPRESSION
RamitSethi: FOR THIS CONVERSATION
RamitSethi: VIJAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO FINE AND IMPREGNATE A VERY NICE GIRL
RamitSethi: k i need to eat, smile and cheer up
vasb2: KILL ME, I CANNOT GO ONE LIVING LIKE THIS
vasb2: DEAR GOD HOW DID THINGS GET DO BAD SO QUICKLY
vasb2 signed off at 6:32:32 PM.

Conversation between two 13-year olds:
BlndBaseballPimp: isnt our school better than Ramit's
BlndBaseballPimp: Auto response from ManeeshSethi: dinner + 7 hours of bio + 1 hour of history + 1/2 hour of math + 3 hours of book-writing makes maneesh a very, very cranky boy
BlndBaseballPimp: sophistacated
BlndBaseballPimp: lots of homework
BlndBaseballPimp: Auto response from RamitSethi: hello i am ramit
BlndBaseballPimp: so deeply thought out

SarahImmoos: yes, I've always wanted a brown man to dominate me

iselitalinda: long? no
iselitalinda: interesting? no
iselitalinda: unpleasurable? yes

HomeSkilletRosen: this blender is so gorgeous any heterosexual male is liable to jerk off to it

Jonathan (walking out of room at 3am, talking to self): it's just such a fucking dead end

Bl4ckf00t: perhaps that explains all the restraining orders

AdrianAlmazan22: so yesterday, i got high with four of my friends, we all went to the pet store, and bought three snakes
RamitSethi: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AdrianAlmazan22: i woke up this morning and i was like
AdrianAlmazan22: what the fuck is that snake doing there?
RamitSethi: HAHAHHAHAH
AdrianAlmazan22: HOLY SHIT i though
RamitSethi: what are these snakes doing now
AdrianAlmazan22: they're chilling

AdrianAlmazan22: there are frozen mouse bodies in our freezer
RamitSethi: i am getting scared
AdrianAlmazan22: my mom's going to kill me

AdrianAlmazan22: i did pay with my credit card
RamitSethi: how much was the bill ahahaha
AdrianAlmazan22: = PARENTS WILL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH
AdrianAlmazan22: who the hell knows

davisflow: let me rephrase that, i LOVE friday!!!!
RamitSethi: lies, lies
davisflow: lol
davisflow: ok
davisflow: friday was created by Satan or one of his key minions primarly to destroy and crush my spirit!

PopeDoug3: I hope zach's hearing is as bad as his eyesight

RamitSethi: if you ever tell me you are going to sleep before 12 again
RamitSethi: i will kick you in the face
RamitSethi: sleep > real life?
vasb2: yeah
vasb2: though im miserable in dreams too so its not much of an escape

RamitSethi: set up sh aring on your box
RamitSethi: and enable one folder to be writeable, so i can upload
Ziggidyzach: that is far beyond my meager conception of how this flashy tan box on my desk functions

Ziggidyzach: i love doug
Ziggidyzach: he makes me feel better about myself

RamitSethi: the day is mine
Ziggidyzach: no, it is mine
Ziggidyzach: much will be accomplished
RamitSethi: zach today could be the greatest day of our lives
Ziggidyzach: this day will be sung of in legend
RamitSethi: with barley and beer, the vagabonds will tell tales of Zach and Ramit
Ziggidyzach: across the nations of this earth, all peoples will learn of the wonder that was october 21
Ziggidyzach: they will cry with joy upon comprehension of its majesty and wonder
RamitSethi: we have brought light to future generations' lives, and we have not even begun the day yet.
RamitSethi: my god, we are good.

[2 minutes later...]
Ziggidyzach: ramit, i am a failure

RamitSethi: so i was staring at her
RamitSethi: and i called jonathan over, "look!"
RamitSethi: and he runs over
RamitSethi: and by this time my whole body is craning to look at her
RamitSethi: and then
RamitSethi: she completely looks directly at me and makes eye contact with me.
RamitSethi: my craning, awkwardly positioned body
RamitSethi: what was i to do except hope to god she couldnt recognize my repulsive face
Ziggidyzach: at least you didn't fall out the window
Ziggidyzach: you should have said something very clever and witty to Jonathan
Ziggidyzach: such as,
Ziggidyzach: "No Jonathan, I can't see the rare yellow bellied sap sucker. Are you sure it's in that tree?"

RamitSethi: she is a girl
LAdancechick: hopefully
LAdancechick: was she alive

TheCoolPreet: TheCoolPreet: what irony
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Auto response from ManeeshSethi: working out
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Auto response from RamitSethi: eating legendary chips and salsa

vasb2: i guess i should lay off the mexican humor for a while then

Ziggidyzach: i hate my life

PopeDoug3: I don't know anything
PopeDoug3: I'm not even 100% what we're talking about exactly

RamitSethi: mcdonalds was great
RamitSethi: i had a 6-piece chicken nugget dinner
vasb2: goodbye

What you don't want to see when you IM someone:
RamitSethi: hello my token white friend
tweederSU: who is this
RamitSethi: ramit
tweederSU: who am i suppose to be?

Ziggidyzach: no matter what they put in their mouths it is hot

Ziggidyzach: answer me
Ziggidyzach: answer
Ziggidyzach: answer me damnit
Ziggidyzach: i am truly sorry for inadvertantly slightung your mother

RamitSethi: man i have no costume at all, i am sad
vik151: me neither dude, eff a costume is my motto

RamitSethi: how are the women in fine old yale
AdrianAlmazan22: it kinda gets out of hand with all the fine dresses, ornate umbrellas, and white dinner gloves

Ziggidyzach: you need to have a muscular body, thick side burns, gelled hair, and an ability to gyrate your hips while clutching your genetalia

Tomorrow: it is coming.

Ziggidyzach: copulating females are not meant to be blue and pasty

Ziggidyzach: not a stanford student http://www.geocities.com/hayfieldhawk/chmura_girl.jpg

AdrianAlmazan22: yes, i've been honing my gadar because i desperately want a penis creating friction against the walls of my asshole

Ziggidyzach: perfect for you www.geocities.com/getcha_gr00ve_0n/tammy3.jpg
Ziggidyzach: notice the glow

Ziggidyzach: you proposed a single hole
Ziggidyzach: i am advocating a linear progression of several, three or more, optimally five, medium sized holes placed across the mouth

Ziggidyzach: in fact, i don't know if i have ever been in amore offensive conversation

http://www.stanford.edu/~ramit

Advance praise:
tigersteph04: now I will read your tribute to yourself

tigersteph04: ok so just how much time do you spend on im?

vik151: it doesnt suck, which is more than i couldve expected from you

tigersteph04: i am completely disgusted. i must go now.